At this particular moment, I’m feeling a little bad about myself. This profession I’ve chosen — and really, this life that I lead — relies so heavily on attention and metrics and reposts and “HAHA” reacts that I often feel like a dog doing their best tricks waiting for a treat. I could take this bad feeling and deconstruct it, rationalize away my insecurities with proof that I’m doing just fine in life. Or I could post a selfie to Instagram Stories and hope for a few heart emojis. The latter option is almost always more satisfying.

Maybe you can relate. As a social species, we humans have a tendency to look to others for approval; a word of praise or a pat on the shoulder is a sign of acceptance or a job well done. This acknowledgment scratches one of the most universal, fundamental itches: the need for belonging. “We wouldn’t have survived as a species except for the fact we had tight bonds and lived in groups,” says Mark Leary, professor emeritus of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University. “We couldn’t have survived living by ourselves out of the woods somewhere.”

Even in modern society, people need to feel valued, accepted, and recognized by others, according to Leary. Validation does just that: It’s the corroboration of someone’s existence, that their feelings and behaviors are real and normal, and research suggests it helps minimize negative emotions.

So while it’s understandable and expected to crave a bit of validation — it’s a sign you matter — that natural urge can warp into near-obsession, thanks, in part, to a culture that values validation as currency. When likes and follower counts offer a quantifiable measure of your worthiness, all of life’s milestones — good and bad — become bids for affirmation.

What is far more nourishing than the sugar high of validation is an internal process of recognizing your own worthiness.

A lack of positive acknowledgment may make it seem as if your accomplishments don’t matter; without a stamp of approval, you might question your every move. “In our modern-day world, that basic desire to be part of a group, to be in a relationship, to have social connections has been hijacked by these surface ways of feeling that connection. [It’s measured] by how many likes do I get or how many followers do I have or what’s the feedback I’m gonna get from my boss,” says Lora Park, a psychology professor at the University of Buffalo. “That gives us that rush of positive emotions, especially pride and feeling pleased and worthwhile and valuable, but quickly fades.”

Of course, external affirmation is nice every once in a while, but a steady flow of compliments and acknowledgments is hardly realistic or beneficial to your sense of self. What is far more nourishing than the sugar high of validation is an internal process of recognizing your own worthiness.

Feeling seen and appreciated

Instead of wandering through life with no concept of how you are perceived, validation provides context that you are a worthwhile person, and that others can see your true value. Generally, people are not accurate judges of their own........

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