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George Carlin Only Performed at One Roast in His Career

The stand-up legend mostly stuck to roasting people during solo performances

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Although George Carlin was known for roasting anyone and anything he saw fit during his stand-up act, he wasn’t exactly what you’d consider a “roast comedian.” Sure, he might’ve seemed like an obvious choice to be on the dais during the many years that Dean Martin presented his various televised celebrity roasts in the ‘70s and ‘80s. The 50+ shows that were produced back then featured a who’s who of popular comedians, from established performers to up-and-comers. Carlin was not one of them, however, and he wasn’t present at any of the Comedy Central roasts that aired prior to his death, either, despite knowing several of the people being roasted.

In fact, the only roast that Carlin is known to have been a part of (at least as far as recorded performances go) was a 1987 Friars Club roast held in honor of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Carlin served as the roastmaster for the event, and the audio from it was later released on a CD titled George Carlin and Friends Roast Arnold Schwarzenegger. Also in attendance for the show were several well-known veteran comedians, including Milton Berle, Sid Caesar, Red Buttons, and Smokey and the Bandit star Pat McCormick.

Berle introduces Carlin on the first track off the album by saying, “When George Carlin was a teenager, he was a clean-cut, well-mannered boy who studied at a Catholic school. Then one day he heard the words ‘s–t,’ ‘piss,’ ‘cock,’ and ‘c–t.’ And he shouted up to the heavens, ‘Thank you, Lord. Now I’ve got a f—-n’ act.” Carlin starts off his set by praising Berle and joking that he almost didn’t make it to the show because he was busy celebrating his son’s first gang bang.

He goes on to say that this is his first big-time roast, with one (obviously fictional) exception being a roast he says he attended for news reporter Connie Chung. From there, Carlin gets into his reluctance to perform at the roast and how he initially told Berle, “The day I do a roast for Arnold Schwarzenegger is the day I kill a chicken by sucking on its a—–e until its head caves in.”

Carlin then mentioned that he won’t be focusing his energy on any of the other people on the dais because, as his father once said, “Never make an enemy out of a mentally ill person with a good income.” It’s at that point that Carlin proceeds to chip away at Schwarzenegger for five minutes straight, touching on everything from his tough guy image and how he “wipes his a– with a dustbuster” to the action star’s upcoming projects—including a new ESPN sport he’ll be hosting called “tearing a sheep apart.”

Check out Carlin’s full set below.

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