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The Relationship Green Flag People Often Mistake for a Problem

Experts say comfort can signal safety and secure attachment, while complacency often shows up as neglect, passivity and lost effort.

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We often talk about getting comfortable in a relationship as though it’s a negative thing, but there’s a major difference between comfort and complacency. Just because someone feels comfortable does not necessarily mean they will stop trying to make their partner happy. In fact, comfort can sometimes motivate partners to show up for each other, as they feel secure and safe in the relationship.

Why Comfort Is Healthy in a Relationship

If you don’t feel comfortable in your relationship, I personally would view that as a red flag. Comfort often stems from safety, security, and acceptance—three important factors in a relationship.

“From an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) perspective, being comfortable in a relationship is the ultimate goal. In the attachment-based therapy space, we call this ‘secure attachment,’” says Dr. Timothy J. Nguyen, PsyD, LCSW, licensed psychologist, couples........

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