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3 Signs You’re Being Too Understanding in Your Relationship

A psychologist says being too understanding in your relationship can become people-pleasing, self-abandonment, and resentment.

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Empathy and grace are important in relationships, but sometimes, we can take them too far, neglecting ourselves in the process. This often leads to the “chill girl” persona so many women take on when dating. Of course, anyone can fall into this category, practicing more understanding for their partner than for themselves. This is a slippery slope into self-abandonment and resentment. 

The ‘Chill Partner’ Trope

Too many of us—especially women—are taught to be low-maintenance lovers with few needs and a whole lot of support to offer our partners. In our desire to be liked and accepted, we quickly fall into the pattern of self-neglect and appeasement.

“When you cook with the intention of being liked, too much understanding develops,” says Dr. Gary Dillon, a licensed psychologist and founder of Ally Psychological Therapy. “A pinch of people-pleasing, a heavy pour of protecting your ‘nice’ reputation, and a splash of old survival instincts (mistaking safety for silence)........

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