This column talks about domestic abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or an abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) or visit www.thehotline.org. Callers can remain anonymous.

Families in two states have been shattered by an all-too-familiar pattern of domestic violence. It’s horrifying. Yet the way we talk about these tragedies often shifts attention away from where it belongs.

In Louisiana, a father allegedly killed eight children – seven of them his own, ages 3 to 11 – and shot and wounded two women, including his wife, on April 19. In Virginia, police say former Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax killed his wife before taking his own life on April 16. Even in cases this devastating, the narrative often focuses on the perpetrator’s struggles.

Domestic violence is not rare. Men perpetrate far more domestic violence than women, and the World Health Organization estimates that 1 in 3 women experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetimes. The circumstances may vary, but the outcome is the same: irreversible, sometimes deadly, harm.

The warning signs are often there, and recognizing them matters. But too often, we explain lethal violence through the lens of the person who committed it, focusing on their struggles instead of the pattern of control and........

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