You’re going to visit a city where a friend of yours lives, or maybe you’re just thinking about it. What’s the etiquette for asking if you can stay with them while you’re in town? Is it rude to ask that? Is it rude not to? Does it depend?

People have strong feelings on both ends of the spectrum. Some think it’s wholly inappropriate to ask to stay in someone’s home, even if they’re a friend. Others see it as a snub to book a hotel or other rental when a friend lives there who might be happy to host you.

shocked by the discourse about whether it’s rude to ask if you can stay at a friend’s apartment when you’re in their city. someone said “i have a tiny apartment and a stressful job so that wouldn’t work for me” okay then say that to your friend? it’s not rude of them to ask wtf— jude (@judecomputer) October 13, 2026

shocked by the discourse about whether it’s rude to ask if you can stay at a friend’s apartment when you’re in their city. someone said “i have a tiny apartment and a stressful job so that wouldn’t work for me” okay then say that to your friend? it’s not rude of them to ask wtf— jude (@judecomputer) October 13, 2026

So who is right? The answer may just boil down to your subculture.

We all know about cultural differences. Subcultures are trickier.

In our interconnected, global society, we’ve gotten used to managing cross-cultural differences. We know that etiquette in Japan can be completely different than etiquette in the United States, and we adjust our expectations and behaviors accordingly.

Subcultures are a bit trickier, especially the farther down you drill. Americans may share some national cultural similarities, but regional norms can differ widely. And we all live within layers of subculture that go beyond geography. Our socioeconomic status might come with a subculture. Our social circles can share a subculture. Profession,........

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