You were not alone – I was not watching the Oscars either the other night. I didn’t even know they were happening until they happened, and I bet you didn’t either. There was this vague notion out there in the ether that it was Oscar season, but that was sort of the manifestation of an archetypal collective memory from back in the day when the Oscars used to mean something, when the movies in Hollywood used to mean something, when they were part of our lives instead of this weird alien thing full of commies and transsexuals and weirdness.

Now? When’s the last time you went to the movies? I need to think about it. It doesn’t come to mind right away, which is so weird, because just 20-some years ago, every single weekend there would be three or four new movies, and you would go out and see one or two. They weren’t always great, but at least they were designed for normal people. Hollywood was at the vanguard, on the front line, the epitome of pop culture. And now what is it? It’s nearly irrelevant. Can you name a recent mass-release movie that has changed the cultural conversation? Can you name a recent mass-release movie you were interested in seeing? I can’t. Let’s see: there’s “The Bride,” a feminist retelling of The Bride of Frankenstein, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Nobody’s going to see that bomb, which cost $90 million. What was the thought process for greenlighting that bomb anyway? 

"You know what America is waiting for? A remake of 'Bride of Frankenstein,' except she's a chick who is mad about dudes instead of about being stitched together from corpses!"

"Brilliant! Here's some money!"

"Oh, I've got another idea. How about a brave American who's fighting our jihadi enemies! It's ripped right out of the headlines!"

"Is the hero cisgender? Differently abled? A person of heft? And can we make the villains Christians who........

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