HANDS UP IF, as a new mum, you were told, “Enjoy every minute,” while you simultaneously sported dark circles under your eyes so large that it was probably clear from the International Space Station that you were, in fact, not enjoying every moment of the newborn phase.

In reality, you may have felt more like a Marine who was being put through an extreme sleep deprivation challenge, only to find out there was no medal waiting for you at the end.

Well-wishers who lob out phrases like this to new parents, of course, mean nothing but the best. However, when you are functioning on zero sleep, have a colicky baby, are finding breastfeeding a challenge, or have a disgruntled toddler thrown into the mix, gushing about the sheer and constant joy of new motherhood is often a step too far into toxic positivity territory.

Telling an exhausted new parent, who wonders if they will ever sleep or feel like themselves again, that they should lap up every single second of this endurance test with nothing but delight, risks invalidating what they might really be feeling. And I hate to break this to you, but some days it’s not the unbridled nonstop joy train you assume it is from the outside.

Clichéd phrases like this are used to remind parents to cherish those precious, fleeting early years and even shame those who don’t. However, I’d argue statements like these need to be flung in the bin forever, along with some other hackneyed gems such as- “sleep when the baby sleeps,” or “enjoy the newborn bubble,” or “wait until he/she is a teenager, you’ll look back on the newborn phase and wish you were there,” which are not just irritating;........

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