It is 2089. My grandson tugs at the hem of my musty corduroy trousers. ‘Pop-pop,’ he says. ‘Were you alive during the Great Pret Pickle Shortage of 2026?’ There is an almighty crash of thunder. A gust of wind throws open a window. A scream can be heard from outside. I look down at my hands, which are visibly shaking, and compose myself. ‘I was there,’ I whisper. ‘I was there when Pret lost the jambon beurre. Man and sandwich were never the same again.’

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I’m being facetious, of course. I couldn’t care less about Pret A Manger’s ham, pickle and butter roll going MIA. The coffee giant claims the sandwich has gone missing due to a temporary cornichon (pickle) shortage – much to the dismay, we’re told, of its loyal, city banker target market. I’ve eaten the fist-sized jambon beurre all of three times in my life and never with conviction, so I won’t be losing any sleep.

That said, the jambon beurre’s absence highlights a wider problem: the sorry state of the British high street café. I’m not here to get into a debate about coffee. Coffee is subjective, and customers are loyal to their coffee houses, however misplaced that loyalty may be. But the problem isn’t just the coffee. It’s the food, it’s........

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