When I announced to my American neighbour that I was going to Ascot for the first time in 20 years, she grabbed me by the arm as if I had just announced that I was running off with the gardener. Apparently Ascot and the Royal Enclosure have changed beyond recognition since the latest refurb and there is much to learn.

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‘Which day are you going?’ she asked wildly, as I muttered something about Ladies Day. She turned around in shock, hand over mouth. If she were Hyacinth Bucket from Keeping Up Appearances, I was her nervous friend Elizabeth who spills her tea all over her saucer, shaking like a leaf. ‘We don’t have much time,’ she cried in no particular direction. 

When she learned about my proposed outfit, she went pale. A 20-year-old fascinator from House of Fraser, open-toed sandals that I had bought on Vinted and a dress that was ten years old? Words failed for a moment before she asked: did I not know that a hat – not a fascinator – has to be at least four inches in base........

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