Milo – born Rupert Myles Baxter-Stuart-Lane – is a self-proclaimed ‘wine wanker’. He is 27 years old, works at a B-Corp production and social content agency, lives in Stoke Newington, and dreams of running a wine bar in Clapton in the hope that Topjaw might someday notice him. His favourite film is Sideways. He watched it for the first time last month. He even has a tattoo to prove it: ‘I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot.’ The tattoo is on his left buttock. After enough biodynamic Zweigelt, he’ll be happy to show it to you. 

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Milo likes to say that he ‘came to wine late’. This is a complete lie. It was his father – who definitely didn’t have a political scandal in 2004 involving cocaine and a Cher impersonator at the Groucho Club – who introduced him to the vine. Milo’s father is what we would call an ‘old wine drinker’. Before abandoning his campaign as an MP in Bognor Regis and Littlehampton for reasons redacted, his father was quite the host.  

And it was through these soirées that Milo learnt the essentials of wine. Bordeaux is good; Burgundy is better. Understand the........

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