I have a foolproof way to make millions. It’s a little tricky to execute, but hear me out, OK? Step one: find a time machine. Step two: travel back to 2020. Step three: quickly, before they all get nabbed, buy the entire stock of the This Smells Like My Vagina candle that Gwyneth Paltrow notoriously sold on Goop for $75 a pop. Then come back to 2025 and sell them on eBay for $400 each. Seriously, that’s what they are going for now. We’re talking a 433% return!

How do I know this? Not, to be clear, because I am spending my evenings searching for vagina-scented candles. No, I know this because the chatter around Paltrow’s candle is impossible to fully extinguish; it keeps popping back up in the news. In 2021, for example, there was a big hoo-hah because a Texas man claimed that the candle exploded on his bedside table. No one was........

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