Arse about: why we need Christmas in July
It swept up out of Antarctica with a vengeance. The mass of cold air ambushed south east Australia, plunging temperatures and breaking a cycle of heat and humidity with a preview of the winter to come.
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Some shivered, others breathed a sigh of relief after a sweat-drenched summer. I enjoyed the best sleeps for months, relishing the warm weight of the doona instead of a clammy sheet as minimum temperatures dipped into the low teens.
After the rain and wind departed, the days were crisp and luminous, a slight chill in the morning, warm sunshine by midday. Autumnal perfection.
Yet here we are, arse about, soaking in the trappings of spring. Eggs and bunnies are everywhere, symbols of fertility and fecundity, of rebirth after the long dormancy of winter. Our children make bonnets, a tradition to mark the end of Lent and the renewal of spring, when dusting off winter beanies would be more appropriate.
Here in Australia it's actually harvest season.
I know this because just the other day I passed a roadside sign offering pumpkins for sale, which made me wonder if we really ought to be gearing up for Halloween and whether that other big winter celebration, Christmas, ought to be held in July. Yes, yes, I know it marks the birth of Christ but the festivities are also linked to earlier knees-ups marking the depths of winter.
Certainly, roast turkey, glazed ham, plum pudding, eggnog and mince pies - the traditional Christmas feast that somehow endures in Australia - are more suited to winter than summer. And there's something faintly absurd about decking the halls with holly and frosting the windows with fake snow when it's nudging 35 degrees outside and we're getting around in shorts and thongs.
It might be the December heat that has us enslaved to Christmas favourites like Love Actually. Those scenes of a chilly London, the characters rugged up in their winter woolies, offer vicarious relief, soothing sunburn from the morning at the beach.
This seasonal dissonance makes for some silly arrangements. Celebrating Christmas as we prepare for the long summer break involves a ridiculous schedule of Christmas drinks and parties at the very time we all long to wind down. A celebration in July would give us a shorter but much needed winter break - one that coincided with school holidays.
And the long nights would give us more time to enjoy the Christmas lights, rather than keeping the kids up late waiting for the sun to set.
Don't fear the appearance of hot cross buns on Boxing Day. If we reschedule Easter for some time in September, we'd still see them appear on the shelves before we've finished the left over turkey.
And those bunnies and bonnets would make much more sense because they'd appear in springtime.
HAVE YOUR SAY: What's your favourite season? Does it make sense to celebrate Easter in autumn? Have you ever celebrated Christmas (or winter) in July? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- The federal government has caved to pressure to slash taxes on petrol and diesel to help motorists facing skyrocketing fuel prices due to the war in the Middle East.
- Police killer Dezi Freeman has been shot dead by police in Victoria's North East with senior police saying he'd been given the opportunity to surrender but did not.
- Principals and school leaders are facing escalating threats, physical violence and bullying, with more than half seriously contemplating leaving their roles.
THEY SAID IT: "Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." - George Eliot
YOU SAID IT: With idiocy on the rise around the world and here at home, there's a new currency to old Aussie slang words like "drongo".
"Drongo is a great description of these individuals, John," writes Jennifer. "When will it be outlawed as offensive hate speech?"
Jim writes: "Drongo seems a good term for harmless incompetents however galah is much more appropriate for the likes of Donald Trump. The galah is noisy, gaudy and stupid, taking off suddenly from the roadside and smashing windscreens and radio antennas. Donald is even noisy on social media, posting in capital letters is the equivalent of shouting. The Oval Office decor and the Iran war? Enough said."
"Drongo is the perfect Aussie word in these days of a multiplicity of incompetencies," writes David. "Trump is certainly America's 'Drongo-in-Chief'. My father used to say, 'what a galoot' or 'you great galoot'. I like galoot; you do something silly or stupid but it's used in an affectionate way. And 'dry as a dingo's donger' is surely hard to beat as a descriptive phrase. So, yes, let's have a revival of some great old Aussie words and phrases - there's no shortage of drongos around these days."
Lai writes of "drongo": "Never stopped using it. Often with two commonly used prefixes, One beginning with a B and the other with an F. Boofhead is another favourite of mine."
"A drongo is a bird," writes Susie. "There are 28 species of drongo and the spangled drongo is the only one found in Australia. The racehorse was presumably named after the bird."
Murray writes: "It appears that calls to halt the drongo hunting season have gone unheeded. The most common variety, the red drongo, is being targeted widely and latest counts show a decline in numbers. The other subspecies, the blue drongo, is actually just a mutation of the red and is endangered, although more have been sighted recently. The lesser green drongo and it's relative the teal drongo are uncommon, being occasionally seen crashing around in the undergrowth. They are seldom hunted as they are scrawny and provide little nutrition. By contrast, the orange drongo, with its vibrant plumage, is thriving in the current climate, indeed is in almost plague proportions in some areas. There are fears in some quarters that it may displace other varieties totally."
"I just thought, John: if we get our own drones, could we call them (in the interest of their accuracy) 'dronegoes'. Stone the crows, just musing," writes Old Donald.
Daniel writes: "I prefer the term 'boofhead', especially to describe the conceited head of the United States of Trump. It was introduced into the Aussie vernacular by RB Clark in his 1940s comic strip for The Daily Mirror. Boofhead was depicted as incredibly gormless and prone to getting into absurd, self-inflicted scrapes. Another appropriate classic, introduced during by the Aussie military during World War II, is 'earbasher'. We all know that obnoxious person who corners you at a party or the pub and harangues you with a never-ending, boring story. They love blowing their own trumpet and are actively exhausting to be around."
"Thank you for reminding me of drongo, such a wonderful term for blithering idiots," writes Sue. "Some of my favourite slang words are: dunny, swag, ripper, bludger, tucker, furphy, cactus and yakka, most of which are not recognised by today's youth and all of which have at least one yarn spun about them, contributing to the colourfulness of 'Strine'. By all means, bring them back!"
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