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Winston Churchill had cadence. John F. Kennedy exuded elegance. Abraham Lincoln spoke with gravity. Gough Whitlam wielded wit and thunder.

So how does Donald Trump compare to history's greatest orators and writers? Now you can be the judge thanks to the revolutionary new invention, The Trump Translator™.

Simply take some of the world's most memorable quotations of the past and be amazed as The Trump Translator™ transforms the polished words of yesteryear into modern Trumpese. A few examples:

"Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall." - Ronald Reagan, 1987.

Trump Translator™: Frankly Mr Grubachef, this is a LOUSY wall. I know walls. I've built the best walls in the world. Everyone says so. This wall should be OBLITERATED! Terrible wall. Very weak.

"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana, 1905.

Trump Translator™: Some people - very low energy people - forget the past and it becomes a TOTAL DISASTER! But I have tremendous memory. Which is why, as your COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF, I will not - and let me repeat myself to be PERFECTLY CLEAR - I will not be repeating the past. Because repeating the past means you forgot it. And I NEVER FORGET!

"Veni. Vidi. Vici. (I came, I saw, I conquered)." - Julius Caesar, 47 BC.

Trump Translator™: I CAME. Great entrance, by the way. I designed that entrance. My idea. People loved it. Then I SAW. Because I have VERY SHARP EYESIGHT. Incredible eyesight for someone my age. My doctors say they've never seen anything like it. And I CONQUERED - more than even the Romans who by the way are very OVERRATED! Still haven't finished their Colosseum! LAZY!

"To be or not to be, that is the question." William Shakespeare, Hamlet, 1603.

Trump Translator™: Should we BE? Or should we NOT BE? I asked a lot of smart people - tremendously smart people, almost as smart as me - and nobody knew. So I said we're going TO BE. I said it very strongly at the time. It's better to be than not to be and that's the way it should be. Everyone agrees.

"We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight on the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender." - Winston Churchill, 1940.

Trump Translator™: Surrender? NOT HAPPENING! We will fight on the streets - even on those strange intersections in Melbourne, Australia, where you can turn right from the left lane as long as there is no oncoming tram. VERY CONFUSING!

"Know thyself." - Socrates, 450 BC

Trump Translator™: Many wise and very learned people describe me as a very stable genius. But I already know that.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." - Lao Tzu, 6th-4th century BC.

Trump Translator™: Tremendous distance, a thousand miles. I've done the calculations. A very long way. Luckily I have a plane. Only LOSERS walk!

"All you need is love." - John Lennon, 1967.

Trump Translator™: All you need is money. Love is good, too. I know a lot about love. I get stadiums of crowds filled with love. Tremendous love. More than anyone in history. A lot of smart people who always agree with me are saying this. But frankly, money is all you need. Someone should write a song about that. It would be HUGE!

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1933.

Trump Translator™: Fear is OVERRATED. Fear is for LOSERS.

"Well may we say 'God Save the Queen' because nothing will save the Governor-General." - Gough Whitlam, 1975.

Trump Translator™: People say God save the Queen. HE should save her! She is a very CLASSY act. Very stylish. But the Governor-General? I'm hearing terrible things. TOTAL DISASTER. Nothing can save this guy. CURTAINS FOR KERR!.

"This is the recession that Australia had to have." - Paul Keating, 1990.

Trump Translator™: Recession. What an UGLY word. A PROFANITY! But this global recession is the one we need. I planned for this. Very strategic. A lot of work went into it. Nobody knows how much except me. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Get your Trump Translator™ now! Special discount applies for diplomats and politicians! Order now!

HAVE YOUR SAY: Were you offended by Trump's profanity-strewn language last weekend and his demand for the "crazy bastards" of Iran to open the Hormuz Strait? Should Australia take a stronger stand against Trump like several European leaders? Do you believe the US would come to Australia's aid in a future regional conflict? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au

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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:

- Women experiencing or preparing for menopause need facts rather than fear-mongering, experts say, calling for further research into the prevalence of cognitive challenges such as brain fog. Many women report varying degrees of forgetfulness, attention or concentration difficulties, as well as fogginess during this period.

In a landmark review, published in The Lancet Obstetrics and Gynaecology, researchers from the University of Melbourne, Monash University and University College London say there is a gap in knowledge about the prevalence and long-term impacts of brain fog and other cognitive symptoms.

- More young Australians support the government's social media ban for under-16s than oppose it, a study has found, even though they remain concerned about missing out on information, news and social connections. But tweens and teens directly affected by the ban are the least likely to support it, with more than half opposing the world-first measure introduced in December 2025.

- Drivers may have to wait months for fuel prices to come down as a ceasefire aimed at reopening the Strait of Hormuz is pushed to the brink. In exchange for American attacks being put on hold for two weeks, Iran had agreed to allow tankers to resume travelling through the critical shipping route, which carried around one-fifth of the world's oil before the war.

THEY SAID IT: "Happy Easter America. As you head off to church...the President of the United States is ranting like an unhinged madman on social media. This is who he is but not who we are." - Chuck Schumer, US Minority Senate Leader.

YOU SAID IT: Jenna Price wrote about child incarceration.

Jenny wrote: "Tough on crime simply doesn't work. Projects in north western NSW by DOCs, local police Juvenile Justice and community elders prove that the way to help children stay out of prison is far more complex - than locking up children.. Especially in adult facilities where in many cases across the country there are no appropriate facilities for children."

There were multiple reasons kids find their way into trouble with the law, Jenny said.

"In many cases the children have not fronted to court dates, as they don't always have parents living with them, nor aunts and uncles or grandparents who can drive the hundreds of kilometres to get them to the nearest court.

Also in a large number of juvenile cases kids who have moved locations are no longer at the given addresses, hence not receiving court orders. Some also are not even able to read the court documents, nor are their carers."

Susan wrote: "Young people have a very strong sense of what is right and wrong, of fairness and of justice. They frequently don't see these happening in their lives. They see bias and prejudice as well as any number of double standards in the behaviour of the adults around them, even though some of that may be a result of their own misunderstanding.

"We need to establish rules and expectations and to make sure we treat kids equally and with respect. We need to listen to them and to explain our decisions to them in ways which are meaningful. We also need to make sure they are accountable for their actions but this does not mean that they have to be 'punished' in pejorative, demeaning, painful or restrictive ways."

Peter said: "Spot on, Jenna! I bet you get fewer responses to your column than usual because juvenile crime and detention doesn't affect most middle class people in much of urban Australia. But it certainly affects communities across much of regional Australia. And the punitive policies now being imposed are clearly not working and are fostering generations of criminals. As usual, the Albanese government ducks the issue by a tepid and timid legalistic excuse. So much for leadership. Well said."

Mick said: "Jenna, I take it you're not writing from Townsville, Alice Springs, Dubbo or Kununurra. These towns have become unliveable due to an extreme incidence of predominantly indigenous juvenile crime. People living there can't wait to be subjects in a long term, partially successful social experiment. They live there now and want to feel safe now. The Band Aid programs you mention are interesting for remote observers but are usually reiterations and/or the rebranding of previously failed attempts in regional and remote areas."

Brad said: "The answers are obvious and [repetitiously] stated. It's called National Cabinet now! Stop hiding behind 'States Rights' on a UN Charter matter. Get innovating and investing in actual jobs in the inner NT and Qld, maybe central WA too. No Living-Boredom = declining crime rates. They have stats on that already!"

Murray said: "All the above is very true. But, what's the other option? Impressing on young people that there are little or no consequences for committing crimes reinforces that behaviour too. It's not simple".

Man incited racial violence with Cronulla bashing calls

The Trump Translator: Get yours now!

PM seeks fuel assurance in Singapore amid tensions

Data reveals key to fixing housing affordability crisis

Australia 'going backwards' on human rights of children

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