The New York Times published an anonymous letter from a husband grappling with the aftermath of his wife’s extramarital affair, which he knowingly consented to, followed by advice from ethicist Kwame Anthony Appiah.

In the letter to the Times, the husband describes how, about a year ago, his wife asked for permission to have an affair. She framed it as a need for vitality and sexual freedom, and that she knew it would be wrong for her to go through with it behind his back. He agreed because he believed it made more sense for him to consent to this rather than fight about it. He admits to still deeply loving and caring for his wife, but that he experienced intense emotional suffering during her time with another man, adding that it took a toll on both of them.

“What she said made sense to me, and she convincingly assured me this was no threat to our relationship,” the husband wrote.

Peak NY Times is here. pic.twitter.com/FTYeUAkox9

— Gray Connolly (@GrayConnolly) January 24, 2026

Recently, after the wife ended the affair, he says she is openly grieving the loss. And while he empathizes with her in a general sense, he doesn’t feel sorry for her loss, but rather feels relieved that it’s over. And after all of this pain, he still questions whether he should force himself to provide his wife comfort during her grief despite his resentment over her affair. (Sign up for Mary Rooke’s weekly newsletter here!)

Appiah’s advice touched on a very important point, even though it didn’t appear to be what he actually suggested was the culprit behind the affair. He said there was an underlying coercion in which the husband might have........

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