It happens in slow motion. Your six-year-old daughter is sprinting across the playground at school drop-off time when her toe catches on uneven ground. She goes down hard.

The playground goes silent. She freezes and looks up, straight at you. In that split second she scans your face for data. Should she be terrified?

I’ve been there. I’d like to tell you that my pain scientist brain kicks in immediately. But honestly it’s usually my panicked parent brain that gets there first. My stomach drops and my instinct is to gasp, or rush in to fix it.

This reaction is typical because we want to protect our kids. However, these moments are opportunities to teach children that their bodies are adaptable. Our reactions teach them whether pain is a disaster to be feared, or a feeling that’s safe to feel.

Children look to adults and even borrow our nervous system to gauge danger. They read our tone and posture as clues to determine how worried they should feel.

Research into everyday pain shows incidents such as bumps, cuts and scrapes happen frequently. For active toddlers in daycare, they occur about once every three hours. In these moments, adults often respond to the child’s distress, such as crying, rather than the actual severity of the injury.

When we panic, we turn the child’s pain volume knob up. When parents are highly distressed........

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