Not a day goes by without some very enthusiastic stranger popping up in my socials with advice on how to smooth out my neck.

I must admit, the thought of applying duct tape around my neck and jowls, even if it is for “a special occasion”, isn’t something I feel I need to add to my getting-ready routine. Shower, blow-dry, dress, make-up and … neck-lifting tape. No, I’m not feeling it. But the message is clear: neck tape is the trick for those seeking eternal youth.

The algorithm wants me to tape my neck. Why?Credit: iStock/Getty Images

It’s not like I’m surprised by these anti-ageing tips. This is modern life, and the daily bombardment of beauty and fashion advice is just part of the deal. The internet has taken over where glossy magazines once reigned, with Anna Wintour replaced by the algorithm and its spawn: targeted advertising.

For women over the age of 50, social media algorithms are to fashion what I am to quantum physics. The trouble is, despite being an aggressively confident know-all, the algorithm is utterly clueless.

It’s all well and good telling me to:

Update your look.

Don’t be........

© The Age