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Denial protects us by blurring the truth when we’re not ready to face it.

Avoidance delays action even after we see the truth clearly.

Change happens when doing nothing hurts more than making a change.

“I can’t believe it. What do you think I should do? What would you do?”

I was having coffee with a good friend. She’d called me in a panic after finding out her boyfriend had cheated on her again. This was long before I became a therapist, when I was just the person people called when life got crazy. I’d help them find calm in the middle of a storm, and if I'm honest, I loved being the one they sought for advice.

I would hear about their betrayal and say, “This is the moment you decide you deserve better.” I would hear their self-doubt and say, “Trust yourself, you know the answer.” I would sense their fear and tell them, “You’re so much stronger than you think.” I made painful situations into turning points, translating their chaos into a chance to grow. In those moments, I spoke with conviction; I believed everything I said.

But being that friend also drained me. I would pour my heart and soul into helping them, only to watch them walk right back into the same unhealthy dynamics. They rarely set boundaries; they tolerated what they swore they wouldn’t, made excuses, and justified behaviors. Beyond drained, I often felt frustrated with them for wasting my time.

Coffee cup in hand, my friend searched my face for answers. I thought, Why ask me for advice if you’re not going to take it anyway?

And yet, I had no business judging her, because the advice I offered with conviction was the same advice I never took myself, even when I most needed it.

When you’re giving........

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