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Being responsive to someone’s feelings is not the same as being responsible for them.

Noticing provides an opportunity to pause, separate what belongs to someone else, and choose how to respond.

The UNPLUG practice helps people stay connected and compassionate without carrying what isn’t theirs.

Everyone around us is navigating something. You can probably think of a time when a colleague walked into work frustrated, and you suddenly felt tense; when your child came home from school in a terrible, no-good, rotten mood; or when your partner was carrying worries that started to weigh on you, too.

On a recent podcast episode, I answered a question I think many of us have wondered: Am I allowed to be happy when someone I care about isn't? That someone could be your child, partner, parent, friend, colleague, or team.

My answer is yes, you are, but I think part of this requires us to understand the difference between caring about someone's experience and carrying it for them.

When Did You Become the Happiness Coordinator?

A person who has taken on the role of happiness coordinator may come to believe it's their job to make sure everyone around them is okay, or even happy. If someone is upset, disappointed, or frustrated, they want to do something about it right away. It is only when everyone is content and okay that they feel they can finally exhale. A few often overlapping patterns can lead us into believing this is our responsibility:

Early learning: If you monitored a parent’s mood or were the one who kept the peace at home, you may have picked up the idea that if someone is unhappy, it is your job to fix it.

Being highly attuned: Noticing slight changes........

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