True power focuses on inner emotions, beliefs, and intentions, not controlling others.

Welcoming your inner flaws boosts personal power and authenticity.

Projections reveal hidden parts we must embrace for wholeness.

Power often gets a bad rap. It certainly knows how to get us into trouble. Sometimes, the ego doesn’t know when it has had its fill of power. The ego is quite susceptible to believing that more power is better, regardless of how much it has. With a touch of psychological instability, the ego might seek to wield as much power as possible, irrespective of the harm it causes. We all know some characters who are unable to be satisfied with power. Unriddled power is likely a compensation for low self-esteem.

Both the ancient and the current definitions of the word power are “able to.” Of course, there are countless ways to express our ability to do something. Some acts of power will benefit us and others, while others will have an unfavorable impact. We can ask, “What constitutes real power and what makes up provisional acts of power?” There is a nuanced distinction between the two that is easily overlooked. Provisional expressions of power involve other people. Real acts of power reflect our relationship with ourselves, especially how we relate to our inner worlds, as well as how we relate to the external world.

When we attempt to lead, influence, or control others, and when they cooperate, we can easily fall into the delusion that we hold power over them. However, we have as much power over others as they allow us to have. People decide they need us, or at least want us to view them favorably, leading them to cooperate with our efforts to influence them.

There are three subtle acts of provisional power that are quite common. The first is comparing and contrasting ourselves with others. We may decide we are somehow a better version of humanity than they are. However, we need those allegedly lowly folks in order to confirm our worth. The second act of provisional power is competing outside of a prescribed game or arena. Our feeling good about ourselves depends upon the other person losing. The third provisional source of power is an attachment to being impressive. If we succeed, it’s because someone decided to be impressed. It’s easy to subtly rely on others to feel empowered.

Beyond Provisional Power

We move beyond provisional power when power becomes an inside job. When our focus is on our emotions, beliefs, and intentions, we move toward having actual expressions of power. Most important is the control we have over how we feel regarding different parts of ourselves. For example, we can decide how we feel about the way we give and receive love, or if we want to do something about how we love. Of course, actual power then depends upon a commitment to live a self-examining life.

I’ve come to believe that what is truly powerful is living with the anticipation that some part of me is awaiting my welcome. My responsibility is to be willing to offer a welcome. Inevitably, there will be parts of myself that are easy to welcome, like my generosity, intuition, and creative spirit. More challenging will be my self-righteousness, pride, and anger. It can be helpful to note that what we resist welcoming tends to have a life of its own, as if its making enough noise to get our attention. Suddenly, I notice that my self-righteousness seems to be taking up more airtime. These unwelcome parts are similar to the child at the dinner table who doesn’t feel included. Suddenly, his glass of milk falls to the floor.

Social Psychologists and sociologists have described the health of a society as dependent upon it's ability to welcome its weakest members. This would include children, the elderly, the incarcerated, the infirm, the mentally ill, and those facing food and housing insecurity. Our personal power and well-being may also depend on the welcome we extend to the parts of ourselves most likely to be marginalized. Let’s look at some steps in support of the interior welcome.

Noticing who is seeking our welcome. It’s not easy to see who in ourselves wants our welcome, since we probably denied that part even exists. When that happens, the part typically resides just outside of consciousness. Let’s say, I’m noticing that I’m reacting angrily more. Maybe I need to get more honest about my anger and welcome it into my interior world. The second way to notice who may be knocking on the internal door is my projections. We tend to project onto others the parts of ourselves we have banished. It might sound like this, “Wow, I never realized how self-righteous George is.” It’s probably time to consider my own self-righteousness.

Acceptance of your humanity. Once you’ve noticed who’s seeking your welcome, it’s helpful to simply acknowledge that to be human is to possess an array of different parts. Some are delightful, like kindness and a capacity to forgive, and others are darker, like arrogance and false modesty. The welcoming process becomes easier as we accept the invitation to be a whole person and not a perfect one.

Talk about it. Find other folks willing to live from the welcoming motif. Being willing to invite wholeness rather than endless striving for perfection is a countercultural path. It is more difficult to do alone. It can be very rewarding to share the richness of journeying to wholeness.

Let yourself bathe in the power and relief created by welcoming. It’s an intimate act. You’re becoming increasingly self-intimate, devoted to including whoever in you seeks shelter from the storm of being forgotten and marginalized.

Adopting the self-welcoming process will not make you more immune to feeling rejected or forgotten by others. You will remain responsible for discerning which risks to take and which to avoid. You will remain living life on life’s terms, with all its perils, trials, and unknowns coming your way. But, no matter how you respond to life’s ordeals, you can trust there will be a welcome awaiting you as you return home to yourself.

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