Our psychological education on appropriate boundaries has fallen short of providing what we need to build strong and prosperous relationships. Boundaries are inevitably present in a committed relationship. The problem is that most couples are not aware of the nature of their boundaries and whether those boundaries actually serve the participants and the life of the relationship. Good boundaries are not intended to punish or to trigger a cascade of vindictive reprisals. Good boundaries protect, support uniqueness, and, whenever possible, support the building of rapport.

A boundary is anything that separates. Fences, walls, and double yellow lines on a road are all boundaries. In a relationship, there are two types of boundaries: physical and emotional.

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