In the previous article in this series, I suggested that women aren’t afraid of conflict itself, but what conflict has historically cost them—connection, approval, and safety. So too, I proposed “a way through.” That is, a way to speak your truth, even when it’s unwanted, that allows you to honor our understandable fear, and also consider your actual reality. It doesn’t mean ignoring the potential consequences, but at the same time, not letting the fear dictate your behavior, with no alternatives other than silence or inauthenticity.

In other words, how to heal the dread associated with being displeasing and disapproved of that stems from your conditioning, generational history and experience. And furthermore, a way through that helps you discern the actual reality you face—the real not imagined threats to your safety, and whether you can survive them. And finally, a path with real-life strategies that take both your fear and the reality of the situation into consideration and practice. So that you can be more truthful and also feel safe.

But in order to find true safety, the sort that’s powerful enough to overcome even deeply-ingrained fears that live in the wires of our nervous system, what’s needed is more than mindful communication strategies. In fact, we need to redefine our whole notion of safety, what........

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