The Fundamentals of Sex

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Research shows that most people prefer spontaneous sex, rather than scheduled.

Sex therapists almost universally advocate negotiating a compromise frequency, and then scheduling sex.

Scheduling sex isn't always easy, but it can reduce chronic tension that threatens to damage a relationship.

In movies and on TV, sex is never planned. Two people meet. They click. Sparks fly. And they jump into bed. Totally spontaneously. The strong media preference for spontaneous sex either reflects cultural sentiments or helps shape them—probably both.

Most people voice a resounding preference for spontaneous sex. In two recent studies, Canadian researchers asked 303 individuals and then 121 couples which type of sex they preferred. Both groups strongly favored spontaneous lovemaking—no planning, no scheduling.

Meanwhile, sex therapists almost universally advocate planned, scheduled sex. Why such a disconnect? Who’s right? Is there even a right or wrong here?

Hot and Heavy vs. Old Married Couple

The general cultural preference for spontaneous sex reflects the early hot-and-heavy stage of relationships. When people first meet and click, they can’t keep their hands off each other. That produces frequent, spontaneous sex, which feels very exciting, even life-changing. So, when you’re in a new relationship, go ahead and enjoy spontaneous sex whenever you like.

But the hot-and-heavy period typically........

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