Why Relationships Matter

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Psychologist Bella DePaulo’s 2023 research from the Journal of Family Theory and Review distinguishes between people who are single by circumstance and those who genuinely flourish alone. She argues that the happiness gap between single and coupled people is far narrower than popular culture suggests, and often disappears entirely when personal choice is factored in.

None of what follows is an argument against relationships. It’s an argument for the kind of self-knowledge that makes a relationship worth having. Sometimes, the most psychologically sophisticated thing a person can do is resist a cultural script long enough to ask themselves, “Do I actually want this right now, or have I just been told that I should?”

Here are three signs that being single right now might be the more honest and, ultimately, healthier choice.

1. You’re Drawn to Partners (Not Partnerships) When You’re Single

There’s a particular kind of person who feels most alive at the beginning of something. The texts that arrive a little too fast; the electric uncertainty of whether someone likes you back; the way a new connection can make an ordinary Tuesday feel charged with meaning. It feels like love.

But psychologist Dorothy Tennov, who has spent years studying romantic obsession, has a different name for it: limerence. Limerence is the intense, involuntary pull toward another person that characterizes early-stage romantic pursuit. It’s not fraudulent because the feelings are real, but it is neurologically closer to anxiety relief than to genuine intimacy.

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