Joy is culturally portrayed as a high-vibe state that you are supposed to reach and then, somehow, maintain indefinitely. Just one scroll through any social platform is enough to reveal how modern society has framed joy as something you “perform.”

The issue with this understanding of joy is that it sends the wrong message: if you are not feeling good, you must not be trying hard enough. Joy is supposed to be an automatic nervous system response for when you feel safe, resourced, and connected. And like any other biological capacity, it can be strengthened, but not through pressure, denial, or relentless positivity.

Think of joy the way you would a muscle tissue. You do not grow muscle by simply wanting it to be bigger or stronger. You grow it by providing the right conditions, like enough load to stimulate growth, enough rest to recover, and enough nourishment to sustain the system. Joy works much the same way. It’s not an attitude you adopt alone but a response your mind and body generate when the conditions are right.

Here are two evidence-based ways to strengthen your capacity for joy, without gaslighting yourself into “being grateful” or pretending everything is fine.

1. Train Your Nervous System to Tolerate Joy

It may seem strange, but one of the biggest barriers to joy is intolerance for positive emotion, not sadness, as we most often think.

Just as people have varying capacities for distress, they also have differing levels of tolerance for how much pleasure, ease, and excitement their nervous systems can safely hold. For many........

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