Around 87 percent of the time, strangers are open to talking—we just assume they aren’t.

Small moments (a smile, eye contact) can ease loneliness practically instantly.

Strangers can offer low-risk honesty and perspectives that many close relationships can’t.

Recently, I was asked to blurb a book called Once Upon a Stranger. In it, I learned fascinating insights on why talking to strangers can benefit you in ways that even your most intimate relationships can’t. I interviewed the author, Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, who is also an associate professor at the University of Sussex.

To learn more about the fascinating science behind talking to strangers, read on:

Dr. Marisa G. Franco: How did you get interested in talking to strangers?

Dr. Gillian Sandstrom: One is my dad, who’s an epic stranger-talker. I grew up watching him do it, but I never really understood why he felt so compelled. It seemed like he just couldn’t help himself. But I’m an introvert, so I thought, that’s not for me.

Two, when I was in my mid-30s, I met a woman who worked at a hot dog stand near my campus in Toronto. I was doing my master’s degree at the time, dealing with a lot of imposter syndrome, as many people feel when working on graduate degrees—it was also a career shift for me, so I was carrying around a lot of doubt. And somehow this little micro-relationship with her started to matter a great deal. I never bought a hot dog, never even really talked to her, but we’d smile and wave at each other. It made me feel so seen and comfortable.

MF: That reminds me of a study you cite in your book—that even making eye contact makes people feel more connected. I found that really interesting. I think we really underestimate the power of something that small in changing someone’s experience of connection.

GS: Yes, and I have a story about that. During the COVID lockdown, we were only allowed to leave the house for exercise, so I was going for walks in the park every day. One day, I was completely in my head—stressed, anxious, I don’t even know what about anymore—and I walked past a woman pushing a baby carriage, and she just smiled at me. It didn’t make all the bad stuff go away, but it felt like a shock to the system. It helped me find the space to think, okay, everything’s going to be fine. And that was from just one tiny moment of connection.

MF: It’s beautiful, especially because you still remember it. I don’t think people go home thinking, “If I smile at this person, maybe years later they’ll........

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