Why Relationships Matter

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Many couples overlook toxic dynamics and suppress their unhappiness rather than communicate honestly.

Partners bring unique perspectives from childhood, so curiosity is important to understand each other's views.

Absence of disagreement is a sign of trouble, as healthy partnerships require uncomfortable conversations.

People often enter therapy when their relationship is in crisis. In my practice, I have worked with many people who came to me because they had been “blindsided” by their partner. They were going along, thinking everything was OK, when their partner up and called it quits. It has become clear to me that there are subtle dynamics and behaviors operating within these couples that, while often overlooked, indicate their relationship is headed for trouble. Sadly, had the partners seen them and been able to address them, their relationship might have stood the chance of having a different outcome.

Below are some of those dynamics and suggestions for how to address them. Communication is vital in this endeavor. Create a safe atmosphere where each of you feels free to talk about yourselves and your feelings. Make sure you are in a calm state and can come toward your partner from a friendly place. It’s important to be in touch with your caring and loving feelings toward your partner as you talk and listen to each other. By looking at the following patterns directly, you can begin to feel for yourself and your partner and establish an openness toward communicating differently. Here we go:

Each partner has their own storyline about........

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