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What Happens When You Stop Fighting Yourself

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28.08.2026

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“Fighting yourself can never lead to real progress, because you are yourself. You’re simply applying opposing forces to the same person. The result isn’t forward movement, it’s just exhaustion.”

“Fighting yourself can never lead to real progress, because you are yourself. You’re simply applying opposing forces to the same person. The result isn’t forward movement, it’s just exhaustion.”

Bianca Toeps explained it using physics. For me, it captures something important about what happens when someone spends years trying to overcome who they are instead of understanding themselves.

Bianca is the author of But You Don’t Look Autistic at All and This Autistic Girl Went to Japan, both translated into multiple languages. She was diagnosed with autism at 26, after years of burnout, an eating disorder, and the persistent feeling that she was letting everyone down. She is currently based in Japan, and she agreed to speak with me for this post following her recent essay on the debate over abolishing psychiatric diagnostic labels.

The Definition of “Car”

The debate over psychiatric diagnostic labels has been gaining attention. Jim van Os, a prominent Dutch psychiatrist, published a piece in Nature arguing against DSM-style diagnostic categories in favour of needs-based care. The proposal sounds reasonable. Bianca’s response focuses on something the broader debate can overlook: what happens to people........

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