Brian was married for three years when he came to my office in despair about his wife, Elise. He had listened to podcasts about narcissistic abuse, but Elise didn’t fit the typical mold; she could be loving and attuned to his feelings, even as she left him deeply confused and hurt. “What am I missing?” he asked.

Penelope, married to Anthony for seven years, came into the office in tears. She wanted a divorce but dreaded the impact on her two young children. Penelope had patiently supported Anthony through medical training, only to find him colder and more critical at home. “How can he be so compassionate with patients—sometimes crying with them—and so calculating and dismissive with us?” she wondered.

Assessing personality, temperament, and even deeper patterns can challenge the best-trained professionals, let alone those trying to make sense of things at home, surrounded by endless “answers” at a........

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