Narcissists often use humor to manipulate friendships.

Grandiose narcissists devalue others to maintain superiority.

Vulnerable narcissists favor self-deprecating humor.

What would life be like if we couldn’t laugh?

Mark Twain called humor “mankind’s greatest blessing,” while Jimmy Buffett described it as critical to our mental health in his song “Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes,” where he said: “If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.” (On an interesting side note, I thought this last quote was from Robert Frost and apparently it has been widely misattributed to him. Somewhere in the heavens I feel my Great-Uncle Billy, a devout Jimmy Buffett fan, is smiling widely.)

But not all humor is equal.

Sometimes humor can be the tie that binds—or the one that cuts. In some friendships, this shows up in a “frenemy”—someone who calls themselves a friend, but whose behavior and humor undermine you.

After writing about humor as a defense mechanism for some and an aggressive tactic used by other more narcissistic and manipulative personalities in my upcoming second edition of Ten Keys to Staying Empowered in a Power Struggle, I was fascinated to read a study that looked at humor’s role in friendships when narcissism is present.

The........

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