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"Turning out well" after a trauamic childhood is often seen as a moral victory.

But resilience is often shaped by support and access—not just personal strength or luck.

Last fall I went to my 20-year high school reunion. We had the usual small talk and “what-have-you-been-up-to” conversations. But as the night progressed, one of my classmates (who had probably indulged a bit in the bar offerings) made an offhand comment to me.

“You have really changed, Kaytee. You turned out well.”

I smiled and offered a small thank you, honored that they had noticed my maturity. But then they followed up with, “I mean, you should have been a statistic. You were heading down that road for sure. It’s remarkable you turned out so well.”

She immediately clapped her hand over her mouth, seemingly realizing that the thoughts inside her head had come out of her mouth—likely helped along by a little liquid courage. She apologized, and I could tell she felt bad.

But what she didn’t know was how true her words were, and how often I have thought about that very thing myself. But now there was something that I didn’t realize before: I hadn’t hidden my struggles as well as I thought I had. I now knew that my struggles had been obvious to others. I didn’t realize........

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