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Children learn how to love by watching the adults around them.

“I wish my parents had done the work of healing from their own childhoods,” Joanne said, letting out a long sigh. “Then I wouldn’t be sitting here with you, going over this again and again.” She added with a small laugh. “I mean, no offense!”

“None taken,” I replied, smiling. “You’re right. If your parents had done their own work, maybe you wouldn’t need therapy as much—or at least not for this long.”

Joanne had just completed her third year of therapy with me, and we had spent most of this time helping her unlearn dysfunctional patterns she had carried for decades.

I continued gently, “But also, if their parents—your grandparents—had done their own healing, perhaps your parents wouldn’t have repeated the same patterns of abuse and dysfunction.”

Joanne nodded, deep in thought. Then she added, “I realized the other day that I didn’t yell at my daughter when she spilled her juice. I normally would have snapped. I…I mean, there's just so much going on, and sometimes spilled juice is the last thing I can handle in that moment; I just want to scream! Like, my daughter is old enough to not be spilling so........

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