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What Really Keeps Couples From Having Sex

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22.10.2026

The Fundamentals of Sex

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The single most common reason people cite for not having sex is that "It just didn't happen."

Sexual satisfaction is higher when couples attribute not having sex to shared circumstances.

Sexual satisfaction is lower when people attribute not having sex to a partner's lack of interest.

Why do couples sometimes go days, weeks, or even longer without having sex? And when sex doesn't happen, do men and women tend to explain it differently?

While researchers have spent considerable time studying why people have sex, they've devoted far less attention to understanding why people don't. However, the reasons couples aren't having sex may tell us something important about their relationships.

In a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers followed couples over a 30-day period to explore reasons for not having sex, how they differed by gender, and how different reasons were associated with sexual desire, sexual satisfaction, and relationship satisfaction.

Why Couples Aren't Having Sex

In this study, researchers recruited 87 male-female couples who had been together for about nine years on average. Most participants were in their early 30s, identified as heterosexual (90 percent of women and 98.5 percent of men), and were from the United States (82 percent).

Each participant completed a five-minute survey each day for 30 days that inquired about their sex lives. On days participants reported not having sex, they were asked why sex........

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