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When family stress makes hospital visits challenging, hospital staff may label the family as "difficult."

Assign a point person for family-doctor communication to streamline information sharing.

In meetings with physicians, assign a family member to take notes to accurately capture more of what was said.

Calm, respectful communication fosters better collaboration with hospital staff.

In her February 1, 2026, op-ed article in the New York Times, “My Patient Was Dying. His Wife Refused to Accept It,” pulmonary and critical care physician Daniela J. Lamas explained why so many inpatient doctors and nurses call the family members of their hospitalized patients “difficult.” She wrote:

"Difficult families ask questions in an accusatory tone and are not satisfied with our answers. They demand updates at a frequency that we find excessive, they interrogate the nurses, they make choices that we find objectionable.… They are considered unreasonable.”

Whether family members are “unreasonable” is a matter of perspective, of course. For family members of hospitalized patients, especially those in the intensive care unit who are acutely ill, asking lots of questions and advocating vociferously for their relatives are the only ways they may know to help them during dire medical emergencies. Doctors should understand that, those family members would say. No wonder, then, that Lamas’ article sparked a flurry of mostly angry letters to the editor from readers.

“The doctor may feel annoyed,” said one, “but........

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