How Can I Manage My Anger?

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Anger is one of the hardest feelings for emotionally neglected people to feel, name, or use.

Suppressed anger doesn't disappear; it returns stronger and loses all its usefulness.

Research links anger to motivation, better relationships, self-insight, and stronger negotiation.

Of all human emotions, the one that people struggle with the most is anger. That's understandable.

After all, it's the emotion with the most potential to get us into trouble. It can be exquisitely uncomfortable, and it's the most difficult to control. As a psychologist, I have watched this one particular feeling cause more struggle than any other.

Some people find it easier to push their anger away, or suppress it, to avoid the discomfort and conflict it can bring. Others wear their anger like armor in hopes it will protect them from being hurt or mistreated. Still another group may go back and forth between pushing their anger down and erupting. In fact, these two things go together. The more you suppress your anger, the more intense it will be when it finally erupts.

If you were raised by parents who had low tolerance for your feelings (childhood emotional neglect), then you may be all too good at pushing your anger away so that you don't even have to feel it. In fact, you may, especially if you grew up this way, be so uncomfortable with the A-word that you find it almost impossible to say, “I’m angry.”

I'm frustrated, I'm annoyed, or I'm anxious, you may say, so you don’t have to say, “I'm angry.”If you're not comfortable with your anger, you're more likely to misread and mislabel it as something milder or more diffuse.

"Isn't stopping yourself from feeling angry a good skill to have?" you may be wondering. The answer is actually a resounding no. Research has shown how very important anger is to living a healthy life.

4 Reasons to Make Friends With Your Anger

1. Anger is a powerful motivator.

Aarts et al.........

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