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Bathroom and locker room etiquette in the U.S. has changed so much even over my lifetime.

Shame and comparison surrounding penis size have been suggested as reasons for the movement toward “modesty.”

Talking openly about restroom experiences may help reduce men's shame and anxiety.

On a recent trip to Amsterdam, I was surprised to find urinals prominently placed on public streets. These were designed in such a way that a man could simply stroll up to it, unzip, and relieve himself without having to reveal his penis to anyone else on the street. And no one seemed to care or be offended or embarrassed!

This started me wondering why bathroom and locker room etiquette in the U.S. has changed so much even over my lifetime. When I was growing up, it wasn’t uncommon to find urinal troughs in public restrooms, men standing side by side relieving themselves while running water flushed away the used beer they drank. After sports competitions and in workspaces requiring heavy physical labor, men showered together side by side in group showers that held a dozen showerheads.

Did men sneak a peek at the others who were there? Most likely. After all, we are a curious bunch, and we spend much of our lives comparing ourselves to others in numerous ways. Such evaluation appears to be hardwired into us, part of our survival mechanisms, perhaps. More men look than are willing to admit it, and looking doesn’t automatically mean sexual attraction.

Apparently, though, it does to some men.

A while ago, I created a video on social media about urinals and men sneaking peeks and began reading men’s subsequent comments. Some said it is a boundary, a moral violation, and wrong for another man to look. Others found it humorous, where men joked about not minding being looked at ... “just don’t wink” at them.........

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