What's a Parent's Role?

Take our Authoritative Parenting Test

Find a family therapist near me

Disconnection is often quiet before it is final.

"You don't understand me" is a turning point.

Meaningful, consistent shifts in listening can prevent or repair big ruptures.

Many parents who reach out to me are not dealing with constant explosive conflict. They're dealing with something even more confusing—and more painful. That's because they hear echoes in their minds of "I thought we were close," or "We don't even fight," or "I don't understand what happened, how can this be that they cut me off?"

But in many of these situations, there was a warning sign. It just didn't sound like one. In my work, I often hear a version of the same seven words before adult children pull away.

"You Don't Even Try to Understand Me"

Those words, "You don't even try to understand me," may come out differently for grown children toward their parents. Maybe they say, "You're not really listening," or "You don't get what I am........

© Psychology Today