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How Unnamed Needs Can Keep Us Stuck in a Drinking Loop

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Alcohol use often fills unnamed needs, not just causes problems, which can keep us stuck in a loop.

Attempts to quit often fail when we ignore the roles alcohol plays, not just its negative effects.

Reframing drinking as a failed solution, not a flaw, can enable deeper self-compassion and insight.

“Why is it so hard to quit drinking?” I used to ask.

I had a full list of good reasons why I should quit:

The blackout and hangover.

The missed work and the promises I failed to keep.

The hurtful words I’d spill and the embarrassing actions I’d commit after the second bottle of wine.

The list goes on, and yet somehow, I kept finding myself having another drink.

I thought I must be broken; how else could I explain repeatedly doing something I knew was hurting me?

It took me years to realize that it wasn't the drink itself that I kept reaching for; it was what the drink did for me that kept pulling me back.

The mistake: My drinking is nothing but a problem to be solved

Today, as I guide others to outgrow their old drinking patterns, I have come to see that one of the most common mistakes that holds many people back when they try to change their relationship with alcohol is the same one that once kept me stuck: seeing our drinking as nothing but a problem to be solved.

It makes sense. By the time alcohol starts to draw........

© Psychology Today