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Thought experiments reveal hidden desires and expectations in couples.

Couples' unrealistic expectations that the other can read their mind often leads to disappointment.

Writing relationship demands helps partners realize defensive behaviors.

One tool that a therapist can use to help alleviate patients’ suffering is to guide them to see situations from new perspectives. Obviously, this intervention does not apply in all cases, but with high-functioning patients, I have found theoretical thought experiments to be extremely insightful and revealing — especially with couples.

For example, I may ask a husband or wife in front of their spouse, “If a miracle were to occur during the night and your spouse were to wake up tomorrow as your ideal partner, please describe how they would behave, how they would treat you, what your daily lives would be like, what activities you would partake in together, how you would flourish together, and how you would show your appreciation and affection for each other.”

This thought experiment usually yields fascinating and unexpected responses as people........

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