"That person is such a narcissist!" It's become our go-to explanation for everything from toxic bosses to polarizing politicians. And if we aren't careful, every perspective that doesn't jibe with our own becomes "gaslighting". We often use one word to describe two very different phenomena—actual narcissistic personality patterns and our own experience of feeling dismissed or manipulated.

Understanding the distinctions helps us navigate relationships, media consumption, and even our own self-relationship, more skillfully. Yes, we need to be narcissistic—not a question of if but how, when, what, and why.

Let's pick up on that oft-uncomfortable truth: Some degree of narcissistic behavior is adaptive. Nonpathological narcissism—even healthy narcissism—includes traits many successful people share: comfort with attention, self-promotion skills, confidence under pressure, competitive drive, and a strong sense of personal narrative. Whether there is a true secure attachment under the persona isn't always clear.

The colleague who confidently pitches ideas in meetings, the friend who comfortably shares their achievements or states their needs with a level of security even when it won't make everyone happy, or the community leader who can rally people around a cause without being hindered by fears of how they'll come across. Their behaviors involve a certain amount of self-focus and self-promotion—but they're also how things get done. We may admire such people, we may hate them, we may like them, even

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