Why Relationships Matter

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In my early 20s, I developed a theory about relationships, identifying them as primarily either wide or deep.

Deep relationships, I believed, were rooted in mutual interests and similar life experiences, offering instant compatibility and an alignment that swiftly transcends small talk. They anchor two people in the comfort of feeling deeply known. Grounded in shared passions and often common experiences, they prompt the exclamation, “What?! You too?!”

Wide relationships, by contrast, unite people with different life experiences, backgrounds, and perspectives. They are fueled by curiosity about the differences and the delight of discovery. They jettison us out of our comfort zones, sparking new ideas and adventures. They prompt the exclamation, “Wow, tell me more!”

Neither is inherently better than the other. Most relationships embody elements of both width and depth, though one generally predominates. What matters is which feels like the better fit: cracking out of your comfort zone or relishing deep familiarity.

Not long after I developed my theory, I had to test it. The wide relationship I was in was fast moving toward marriage. How did I know if it was a long-term fit, whether my extremely wide relationship with someone from a different culture and background could go the distance?

I began to grapple with a question every couple must eventually confront, regardless of whether their relationship is primarily wide or deep: Were the........

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