What Is Emotion Regulation?

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Disappointment is a natural part of life.

Painful disappointments can make us want to protect ourselves from recurrences.

Not all disappointment is traumatic.

Melanie* was excited about an upcoming date with Lee, who she’d met on an online dating site. “I’ve had such bad luck with online dating,” she said, “I’ve been thinking about giving it up. But then this guy swiped me and he seems nice and interesting. And we have a lot in common, including even where we went to college.”

Lee suggested that they meet at a small restaurant that was halfway between where they each lived. “He said that he doesn’t like these quick meetings for just coffee or a drink, that he thinks it takes time to find out if you like someone, so we’re going for dinner. But,” she added, “he said if we don’t want to spend a lot of time with each other, we can skip dessert. I think it was a joke, although you can’t always tell, you know?”

Listening to clients, friends, and acquaintances who are looking for romantic partners, it has seemed to me that online dating is declining. A recent New York Times article reinforced my anecdotal ‘research,’ citing significant evidence that “dating app burnout has become rampant, and platforms are struggling to attract and retain users.” It appears that people are turning back to old-fashioned techniques for meeting people in real life (IRL).

But whether meeting someone through a blind date, a dating site, or a meetup of some sort, there is always the possibility of disappointment. People don’t live up to expectations. Dates don’t live up to........

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