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Research shows that infertility can trigger painful social comparisons, envy, and feelings of isolation.

Jealousy over another person's pregnancy often reflects grief and longing rather than resentment.

Setting healthy boundaries can protect emotional well-being without sacrificing relationships.

Self-compassion and social support can help reduce shame and promote well-being during infertility.

If you’re struggling with infertility, you’ve likely experienced the pit-in-your-stomach sensation when someone close to you announces a pregnancy. You may simultaneously feel authentic joy for her and overwhelming grief for yourself. That sadness may turn to feelings of jealousy, anger, or even spite. While you don’t want anything horrible to happen to her, you may have fleeting thoughts of their pregnancy not working out. And then comes the guilt and self-doubt, asking yourself questions such as Am I a terrible person for having these thoughts?, What kind of friend am I?, and Why can't I just be happy for her?

Research shows that women struggling with infertility consistently experience envy of pregnant women and women with children, painful reactions to the pregnancies of friends and family members, negative self-comparisons, and withdrawal from situations that serve as reminders of their own struggles to conceive (Aiello et al., 2025).

Understanding what triggers these reactions can help you manage them with less guilt and without compromising your relationships or emotional well-being.

You Can Feel Two Things at Once

Give yourself permission to have two contradictory feelings at the same time. Being happy for someone else and feeling sad for yourself are not mutually exclusive. You can love your friend, want the very best for her, and still feel devastated by her pregnancy announcement. Often, it’s not really about her pregnancy at all, but rather a painful reminder of what you so desperately want and have invested so much of your time, energy, money, and hope into........

© Psychology Today