We all like to think we’re enlightened enough to make better choices for our kids than to repeat some of the shortcomings of our own upbringing. We want them to know they’re cared for, and we want to help prepare them to have their best lives. While these may be our goals, no matter how hard we try, there can be times we may find ourselves doing the same things our parents did that drove us crazy.

For example, have you ever found yourself saying something to your child in frustration that was exactly what your parents said to you when you were a teen? If so, then you recognized you were caught by old patterning. Most of us have done that, and it’s not because we chose to do it; it’s because it was a reflex that became activated during our frustration.

We all tend to internalize the things we were told by our parents, both the positive and the negative. In addition, no matter how we were raised, that's often all we know. As a result, repeating what we've internalized can become our default way of reacting when we become emotionally upset. Even when we recognize that our parents were not perfect and made mistakes, we still........

© Psychology Today