The Importance of Forgiveness

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Apologies are for what you have done, so don't try to sneak in complaints about the other person.

It's not only about you. Communicating empathy for damage done to the other person is crucial.

Don't expect anything in return. It's not their job to forgive until they are good and ready, if at all.

Apologies grease the wheels of most successful relationships. The art of delivering a sincere and well-timed apology is one that all of us should be very skilled at.

The obvious trigger situation for an apology is when you realize that you have done something that has hurt someone you care about. Even if your action was not intended to hurt or you were not aware of how it would affect the other person, an apology is still in order.

To apologize successfully, you need to have a solid “platform of self-worth” to stand on in order to not collapse into shame. The more self-worth you have, the more you can handle the ego blow—because admitting mistakes does not make you a doomed or despicable person. Just an imperfect one.

An effective apology requires four distinct elements to make it more likely to be well-received (which is, after all, the point of the apology in the first place).

1. The Basic Statement: “I’m sorry.” No rationalizations, no excuses, no hedging. Just a simple statement that you are sorry and what you are sorry for having done. It could be big or very minor, it doesn’t matter.

Start by describing exactly what you did wrong, then just acknowledge that this was a mistake. Accept responsibility:

I’m really sorry I started teasing you in front of your friends.

I feel terrible for having that affair and I am........

© Psychology Today