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Childhood trauma often shapes a self-critical life story centered on shame and regret.

Kids blame themselves for neglect to protect attachment, fueling lifelong negative beliefs.

Examining key life events through journaling can uncover patterns in one's self-view.

Who do you think you are? When you look back at your life, what story do you tell about how you became the person you are today?

I’m guessing that, if you are like most of the people who have sat in my consulting room, this story is not a kind one. You may be laser-focused on everything that has been bad or wrong in your life, blaming yourself for every mistake, embarrassment, or crisis. You might describe yourself in horrible ways like "loser," "failure," or "pathetic." If so, I feel for you—this is no way to live.

But sadly, it’s incredibly common, especially if you experienced childhood trauma or neglect, and your needs were unmet on a regular basis. This would have had a profound effect on the way your developing mind made sense of the world. If you didn’t experience enough love, support, or safety, you may have explained that by thinking you were bad or wrong in some fundamental way. You might have felt flawed, unlikeable, or unlovable. You may have told a story in which you were always to blame, no matter what bad things happened to you. And as part of that story, you would have developed negative, self-critical beliefs about who you were.

Heartbreakingly, children tend to feel they are at fault for any........

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