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A vow is often a fear-based agreement made in childhood to survive.

Vows are similar to core beliefs, schemas, or protective parts, and they drive behavior long into adulthood.

Breaking a vow requires addressing body, mind, and spirit, not insight alone.

Without realizing it, many gay men made vows when we were very young. In spiritual traditions and even psychological terms, a vow is a sacred agreement made at the soul level, often in a moment of fear or survival, that the psyche continues to honor throughout our lives.

A vow doesn’t need to be spoken aloud for it to be taken on. It only needs to be believed.

You may have heard similar concepts described in therapy as core beliefs, schemas, or protective parts. A vow is all of those things, and it’s also something more—it’s the promise a child makes to himself about who he has to be in order to survive.

My father struggled with addiction my entire life growing up. When I was about 9 years old, my mom sat my brother and me down to lovingly help us understand our father’s relapse. She described his addiction as his “cross to bear.”

At the same time, I had been struggling to make sense of my developing sexuality. As a child, I didn’t necessarily know what being “gay” meant, but I had an internal sense of knowing........

© Psychology Today