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Leaving a toxic relationship can expose losses that were postponed for years.

Attachment does not disappear just because someone recognizes they were mistreated.

Healing can hurt. Some new pain may signal that recovery is underway.

Grief, guilt, and fear can be considered adaptive injuries.

A challenging aspect of working with patients is adjusting their expectations of healing. Many assume, or desperately wish to believe, that healing means feeling less pain every day. Telling them that healing itself contains pain and brings a different kind of injury can be difficult. Let’s call these adaptive injuries: injuries that actually indicate that healing is taking place.

Let's listen to Elena. The first night after leaving her marriage, she slept with the hallway light on. There was no one to criticize how she folded towels, question why she smiled at a message, or ask whether her dress was “appropriate for a mother.”

For 16 years, her husband, Mark, corrected her stories at dinner, laughed when she expressed an opinion—very often in front of their families and friends. He called her sensitive whenever she cried. After arguments, he........

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