Understanding Loneliness

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Being alone and feeling lonely are not the same thing.

The ability to be alone can be considered a relationship skill—not a sign of isolation.

Solitude may be one way to strengthen your own internal nurturing presence.

As a therapist, I’ve noticed that people often feel afraid of being alone—yes, that includes going on a walk or to dinner alone or spending the weekend alone. They’ll sometimes spend time with activities or people that don’t add to their lives just to avoid it.

A few common explanations come up repeatedly. Some feel uncomfortable being seen alone. They don't want people judging them or making assumptions about why they're, for example, at the movies alone. Others feel uncomfortable not having someone to share their in-the-moment thoughts with. Still others worry about the anxiety they feel while alone or the vulnerability of it: Will someone invade my space? Will I have to be mean to shut it down? What if no one wants to connect—then what does that mean about me?

Many have conscious and unconscious meanings they’ve attached to being alone that may be limiting. Yet, there can be surprising benefits—even........

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