What's a Parent's Role?

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Teens resisting therapy is normal given their developmental stage.

DBT principles of validation and dialectical thinking can defuse the standoff.

Change often starts with how the parent responds, not with the teen's agreement.

My son has a mild case of stage fright. He once took a hip hop class that ended with a performance, and when the time came, he refused to go on stage. Years later, the same fear got in the way of his goal to join the student council, which meant campaigning, speaking in front of his class, and being on stage again. My first move was to suggest an after-school theater program to help him build confidence. He shot it down immediately. I pushed harder: He'd have friends there, it was basically exposure therapy, it would be fun (I said that last part twice, for emphasis, and it sounded off even to me). That's when I caught myself and tried something different. The instinct to push harder is deeply human, and it's usually counterproductive. Teen resistance to therapy and coaching comes up often for parents trying to get their kids support. Here's what tends to work better instead, and to be clear, this isn't about running DBT-A treatment from your kitchen table. It's about borrowing two of the ideas clinicians use, in your own relationship with your teen, before........

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